MY SINFUL SATURDAY!

YESTERDAY MY SISTERS AND I WITH STORMY VENTURED TO TULSA TO GET MATCHING TATTOOS. LETS JUST SAY I WASNT ALL EXCITED BECAUSE MY SISTERS AND I SEEM TO HAVE DRIFTED APART IN THE PAST FEW MONTHS. I WASNT INCLUDED IN THE DESIGNING OR EVEN ASKED FOR ANY OPINION ON THE SUBJECT. BUT IT WAS SOMETHING WE HAVE TALKED ABOUT FOR A WHILE NOW SO I WENT TO HAVE IT DONE. THE DESIGN IS AWESOME, THE ARTIST WAS SO AMAZING I ACTUALLY GOT TO HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH SOMEONE THAT WAS A STRANGER ABOUT RHETT WITH THEM UNDERSTANDING WITHOUT ME EXPLAINING IT ALL. MY SISTERS ASKED WHAT WAS BOTHERING ME AND I KEPT TELLING THEM NOTHING, BUT THEN THE LADY AT MCDONALDS GOT MY ORDER WRONG AND I GOT VERY MAD. AND I KNOW I WAS WRONG IN THIS BUT FOR ONCE IN A LONG TIME I WANTED TO FEEL LIKE I HAVE CONTROL OVER SOMETHING IN MY LIFE SINCE I HAVE LOST ALL SENSE OF SECURITY AND CONTROL RECENTLY WITH RHETTS DIAGNOSES. THEN I HAD A COMPLETE BREAKDOWN IN THE CAR. I KNOW I HAVE TO BE STRONG FOR MY KIDS BUT SOME DAYS I JUST WANT TO CRY AND YESTERDAY WAS ONE OF THOSE DAYS. ITS REALLY SAD TO ADMIT THAT IM JEALOUS OF EVERY LIL KID THAT RUNS THEIR MOUTHS AT 2 YEARS OLD. OR AT LEAST JEALOUS OF THEIR PARENTS. THEY GET TO HEAR THE TALKING AND GET TO TELL THEIR KIDS THAT THEY TALK TOO MUCH. I DONT WISH THIS FEELING ON ANYONE. MY SISTERS R SO FORTUNATE TO NOT HAVE TO GO THRU THIS. THEN WHEN I GOT HOME I MADE A COMMENT TO JD AND HIS RESPONSE WAS TAKEN THE WRONG WAY SO AGAIN MY MOUTH TOOK OFF. BY THE TIME I WAS DONE I WAS IN HYSTRICS AND I LOCKED MYSELF IN THE BATHROOM AND CRIED UNTIL I WAS SICK. THEN I TALKED TO MY MOM WHO HAS BEEN MY ROCK THRU ALL THE CRAP IVE BEEN THRU. SHE REASSURED ME OF EVERYTHING I ALREADY KNEW BUT I JUST NEEDED TO HEAR IT FROM SOMEONE ELSE. SHE THEN TOLD ME THAT HOW I FEEL ABOUT LONGING FOR RHETT TO TALK IS LIKE WOMEN LONG FOR A BABY AFTER THEY MISCARRY. I NEVER REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT IT THAT WAY. I JUST WANT SO MUCH FOR ALL MY KIDS, AND IF I CANT FIX IT IMMEDIATELY I START DWELLING. BUT IM HOPING I CAN START LETTING IT ALL COME AT ITS OWN PACE. AND THAT IS HOW I ENDED MY STRESSFUL, SINFUL SATURDAY

MY SISTERS TATTOO