mind going wild

I SWEAR IN LIFE WHEN U THINK U HAVE EVERYTHING IN THE CALM THINGS JUST ERUPT AND UR MIND IS OVERWHELMED AGAIN. 3 WEEKS AGO MADDIE CAME HOME FROM A VISIT WITH HER NANA AND DAD AND TOLD THAT THEY HAD TAKEN HER TO HER ATTORNEY TO TRY TO GET HIS VISITATION REINSTATED. WELL IT REALLY UPSET MADDIE BECAUSE THEY JUST SPRANG IT ON HER AND PUT HER ON THE SPOT. SHE MISSED 2 DAYS OF SHOOL BECAUSE OF IT SHE COULDNT SLEEP AND HER STOMACH HURT JUST LIKE IT USED TO BEFORE VISITS STOPPED. WELL AFTER 2 WEEKS OF WAITING I FINALLY GOT TO GO TALK TO THE ATTORNEY AND NOW STARTING THIS COMING WEEKEND MADDIE GOES BACK TO HER DADS FOR THE FIRST TIME IN OVER A YEAR. BUT IF MADDIE ISNT OK THERE SHE DOESNT HAVE TO GO BACK. I JUST REALLY HOPE AND PRAY THAT HE HAS USED THIS YEAR TO IMPROVE HIS LIFE SO SHE CAN BE HAPPY BECAUSE THATS ALL I REALLY WANT FOR HER. I HATE HER FATHER BUT THATS BETWEEN HIM AND ME. I WANT HER TO FEEL SAFE AND HAPPY THERE.
RHETT WENT TO THE SPEECH THERAPIST TODAY AND I WAS TOLD HE IS MEASURING AT 15 MONTHS ON HIS VOCAL ABILITIES. THATS ALMOST 14 MONTHS BEHIND. I KNEW HE WAS BEHIND IN SPEECH AND I JUST CANT SEE HOW 2 PEDATRICIANS DIDNT NOTICE. HIS ORAL MOTOR SKILLS ARE ALSO DELAYED BECAUSE OF HIS SPD. SO NOT ONLY WILL HE BE RECEIVING SPEECH HE WILL BE RECEIVING MOUTH SKILLS TO BUILD UP HIS JAWS AND TONGUE. SHE SAID THAT HE UNDERSTANDS WHAT IS BEING SAID JUST CANT EPRESS HIS WORDS AND THAT WE HAVE TO B MORE INTERESTING THAN THE TOYS HE PLAYS WITH BECAUSE THE TOYS R GIVING HIM INPUT THAT HE NEEDS FROM HIS SURROUNDINGS WHERE IM NOT WHEN IM TALKING. SO IN ORDER FOR US TO MOVE FORWARD WE HAVE TO FIGURE OUT WAYS TO KEEP HIS ATTENTION ON US FOR HIM TO RECOGNIZE THE WORDS WE R SAYING. BUT SHE SAID THAT IT WOULD ALL COME ONCE HIS OCCUPATIONAL THERAPY GETS STARTED NEXT WEEK. IM SO HOPING THAT SOON MY SON CAN HAVE A CONVERSTAION WITH ME. HE HAS THE SWEETEST VOICE. EVERY NEW WORD IS SO WORTH THE CELEBRATION TO ME. I DANCE AND CRY WHEN SOMETHING NEW IS SAID. I KNOW THAT FOR PEOPLE THAT HAVE KIDS THAT DO THINGS ON TIME THAT IT SOUNDS STUPID THAT I WANTED TO HAVE A PARTY WHEN RHETT SAID COW TODAY. I WANTED TO ROLL DOWN MY WINDOW AND TELL THE CARS NEXT TO ME THAT MY SON SAW AND SAID COW. I WENT TO HIS THERAPY SESSION TODAY AND WATCHED OTHER PARENTS THAT KNEW WHAT I FELT LIKE FOR SUCH A SMALL THING. A MAN WAS OVER THE TOP ALMOST IN TEARS WHEN HE WAS TOLD THAT HIS SON WALKED DOWN STAIRS WITH ONLY THE HANDRAIL GUIDING HIM. AND A MOTHER WAS HI FIVING HER DAUGHTER BECAUSE SHE SAID "SHE SLID DOWN THE SLIDE". I WAS SO AMAZED AT THE DIFFERENT ATMOSPHERE INSIDE THERAPY WORKS. I CANT WAIT TO GO BACK. IM SO GLAD THAT THEY ARE ONLY AN HOUR AND A HALF AWAY THAT RHETT WILL BENEFIT. I JUST WISH I LIVED IN TULSA SO HE COULD GO EVERYDAY.
NOW THAT IVE PUT SOME OF MY THOUGHTS DOWN, MY MIND SEEMS TO BE CLEARING UP A LIL BIT. IM BEGINNING TO THINK I NEED A BIGGER BRAIN SO IT DOESNT FEEL SO FULL AND JUMBLED ALL THE TIME. JD TELLS ME TO QUIT THINKING ABOUT THINGS BUT THATS LIKE TELLING PAM ANDERSON HER BOOBIES R SMALL. LOL. JUST ISNT GONNA HAPPEN IM THE MOM ITS WHAT I DO. MOM = MATTERS ON MIND. I TOLD MY MOM THAT I NEED A SLEEPING PILL BUT IT WOULD NEED TO BE ABOUT 12 TIMES THE DOSE FOR IT TO WORK THEN I WOULD PANIC THINKING I WOULDNT WAKE UP SO THEN I JUST WOULDNT TAKE IT. MAYBE I JUST NEED A BOTTLE OF RUM AND ILL FORGET WHAT IS GOING ON, BUT I DONT WANT THE HEADACHE ON TOP OF THE HEADFUL.